How to Quit Your Diaper Fetish

The central portion of this website is dedicated to the guide for quitting one's diaper fetish. That's because I don't intend to use this space to try to convince everyone that they also must ditch their fetish because it is the only right choice. Could I make some arguments in favor of that position? Yes, probably, but that's not what I want this site to be about. Like I've said elsewhere on here, everyone has their own journey and choices to make. 

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But I do think that it may be helpful or insightful to explain why I personally knew I had to get diapers out of my life. The reasons are many and I did not know all of them at once. But over time they accumulated and led me to truly desire to want to get diapers out of my life for good. It took quite a long time to reach that point. I'm in my early 30s now, so I probably tried to quit for good (for the first time) over 10 years ago. 

 

I want to start by saying that my mindset would often change even after I came upon a new insight or developed a strong conviction to get rid of diapers. You probably know what I am talking about. During a purge I would be mad at myself and vow never to think about or use diapers again. During those times it felt like a fog had been lifted, like an enchantment had broken. I couldn't believe that I had not realized before that I shouldn't have been doing what I was doing. How could I not have seen it? I understood everything clearly and possessed a strong conviction to get past my diaper fetish. But slowly over time the conviction would fade and the desires would sneak back in. Then I would justify thinking about my fantasies or going on a website "just once." So, to say that I possessed a specific motivation or insight is not to say I didn't push it way or forget it for a period of time. I went through periods in my life when I justified my fetish and clung to it desperately.

 

I think the first motivation is one we are all familiar with: shame and embarrassment. I recognized that my affinity for diapers was not normal. I wanted to be "normal" like everyone else and only get aroused by women, not diapers and being treated like a baby. Being different in that way made me feel ashamed and I was horrified that someone would find out. I was terrified of being caught and letting my secret get out to anyone. 

 

In college I had a significant religious conversion. I began to take my Christian faith serious for the first time in my life and it brought me great joy. I haven't talked much about the religious or spiritual aspect of my AB/DL journey on other parts of the website because I didn't want people to feel like they had to be Christian in order to get something from this website. I think the insights found in The Guide are applicable to all people. 

 

That being said, my faith has played a major role in my life. It shapes the way I view life and the world I live in, so of course it played a big part in my journey. I didn't immediately think my AB/DL desires were incompatible with my Christian faith. But I tried to quit my diaper fetish for the first time when I got married. I just felt innately that my diaper fetish was no appropriate for my marriage. I have an amazing wife and I know she would love me know matter what, but I was worried that she would look at me differently if she knew about my diaper fetish, even if I didn't indulge in it around her. Right or wrong, I didn't want to tell her. I wanted to be a strong leader for our family. In my mind, her seeing me or thinking about me in a diaper might have undermined that and been a challenge in our marriage. 

 

Whether or not all or any of that was true (in terms of how she would think of me), I very much view my wife as one of the main motivations for continuing to try and give up my AB/DL addiction. She is a great and holy woman, and just being around her makes me want to be the best man, husband, and father that I can be. And during my moments of clear thinking I knew in my heart that succumbing to my diaper desires was not the way to do that. 

 

The birth of my firstborn child also had a huge impact on me. His presence in my life made me very conscious of my AB/DL side and it forced me into a realization that would profoundly impact the way I viewed my AB/DL activities. This insight did not occur to me immediately after he was born; rather, I slowly came to grips with it. Ultimately, I had to ask myself, "Is this [diaper fetish-AB/DL activities] something I would ever want him to experience or do himself?" And of course I told myself, "no." But how could I justify partaking in activities that I would never want him to experience himself? There are all sorts of things as parents that we don't want our children to do now, but would be totally fine with later in life. Things like using a knife at dinner, crossing the street alone, watching R-rated movies, drinking alcohol, etc. There are some things we want our kids to avoid doing because it is inappropriate for their age but is just fine later in life. If I was honest with myself, I knew my AB/DL activities were not one of them. I never wanted him to do what I was doing. So how could I justify doing it myself?

 

The next big step in my journey was spiritual. My prayer life fluctuated. I was not as consistent in it as I would have liked. Sometimes I think I would unconsciously avoid prayer because I knew I would have to face the reality of what I was doing. But I still tried and did my best. 

 

I had experienced intense moments of conviction and grace in prayer before, but one instance about four years ago affected my AB/Dl journey in a profound way. It was completely unexpected. I was reading a spiritual book and in it I read this, which hit me like a thunderbolt: 

 

"Vain hope! These authors know better. They know that our God is not a God of half measures. Nothing short of absolute commitment will do. They speak in one voice. Francis de Sales talks of 'true devotion,' St. Augustine of 'complete surrender,' Francois Fenelon of 'a will which is no longer divided,' and C.S. Lewis of 'giving all to Christ.' Jonathan Edwards reminds us that we love God with the affections as well as the mind, and Bernard of Clairvaux urges us to 'love God for God's sake' and ultimately to 'love self for God's sake.'"

 

Reading that passage shook me to my core. It felt as though a veil had been lifted and I knew immediately what I had to do. I knew that by indulging in these AB/DL things I was not giving all to Christ, that I did not have a 'will which is no longer divided.' I could no longer believe the lies I had told myself about it "not being so bad" for me. I saw the truth for what it was. If you've never experienced a moment like that, it is difficult to explain, but you never forget it. I've only been effected in a similar way during prayer a handful of times in my life, and I remember them each vividly. 

 

The final motivation that forced me to find a way to get everything AB/DL out of my life is embarrassing to talk about, but I feel like I should. Again, this happened slowly throughout my marriage, but it wasn't until more recently that it really hit home and forced me to reevaluate what I was doing. Basically, I began to have performance issues during sex with my wife. Some nights I just couldn't get aroused despite the fact that she is an amazing and beautiful woman. So, to avoid embarrassment I fantasized about AB/DL stuff during love making in order to perform. It worked fine for a while, but eventually (over the course of years) I needed to do it more and more frequently and it was less and less effective. 

 

Let me tell you, I hated the nights when we just had to give up because I couldn't perform. Embarrassing? Yes, but my wife never said anything to indicate she was upset or disappointed. She was always understanding. I lied and told her I was tired or wasn't feeling well. But more than the embarrassment, I hated lying to my wife and I hated the idea that my wife might feel like she wasn't enough for me. I don't know if she did, but I never wanted her to doubt her attractiveness or sexiness. But we all have insecurities, right? So it wasn't crazy to think that she might have some of those thoughts. 

 

Either way, I knew I needed to fix what was wrong. Those nights of my inability to perform usually correlated to when I was indulging my AB/DL desires through fantasies or online content a lot, so I knew I had to put an end to it. Thankfully, that problem has gotten way better since I gave up my diaper fetish. It's hard to explain, but I feel like my sexuality is slowly healing itself. I don't have the same sexual vigor I did at the beginning of my marriage (although I hear that is not uncommon 10 years in), but I don't have to fantasize about things in my head during sex anymore, which is great. 

 

So, that is a snapshot of my journey and what motivated me to finally quit my diaper fetish. I'm sure you have your own reasons for wanting to stop, but those are mine.