Conflicting Desires No More

Do you ever feel like there are two persons inside of you battling over this diaper thing? It is hard to describe just how I felt, but it was basically like this: at times I knew 100% that I wanted to get past my diaper fetish. I knew I wanted to get over it once and for all. I even thought of those times as "when I was sane" or "the real me." (Trust me, I am describing conflicting feelings, not an actual schizophrenia situation.)

Did you ever have those moments/spans of time? I was able to objectively evaluate the AB/DL desires I was having and I saw them for what they were. In prayer I asked the Lord to help me never return to them. These times were, by the way, almost always after or during a purge part of the cycle. My determination was stronger than ever, or so it seemed.

But gradually the desires would creep back in. It usually began with a small compromise about fantasizing or looking at something online "only once." Before long "the real me" was gone and I would justify my actions or I would simply refuse to address the fact that I was doing something I knew I shouldn't be. This phase would sometimes last for months, but usually not for years. I fluctuated back and forth, going through many incarnations of the cycle.

As you know if you've read the main site, I eventually broke the cycle. I am "the real me" all of the time now. I wouldn't say the AB/DL desires that took control of me for so long are eradicated. No, rather I would describe my situation like this: I recognize those desires as being perversions of my true sexuality. I see them for what they are. And they are so small and insignificant now that they all almost never pose a real threat to resurface and take control again. They at times appear as the faintest whisper for a millisecond in my mind, but I cast them away with ease. And I truly believe they are becoming weaker and weaker the longer I starve them. Keep in mind that I am starving my perverted sexual desires, but I recognize sexuality to be a good and healthy thing. I'm not "repressing" healthy sexual desire, but purging my sexual psyche of the disease that twisted it for so long.

The road to where I am now was not easy, but it was absolutely worth it. Please, dedicate yourself to finding freedom from AB/DL desires and your diaper fetish. Use this website to help you on your journey. When you reach the point when your true self is the one in control all of the time, you won't regret it.